Not-Warranted Narcissism

Generally, college students don’t lack self-esteem. We are a confident age group. I mean, everyone has days when they feel “down,” but for the most part, as college students, we think we are pretty tremendous.

This idea was proven when I was in the HUB recently and overheard a girl exclaim that she loves herself and that “sometimes [she] surprises herself with how awesome she is.”

This is an excessive – actually, extremely excessive - statement. But it demonstrates the narcissism of youth, nonetheless. It’s almost disgusting how much high self-esteem some teenagers display. Is it really warranted?

College students are basically between the ages of 18 and 22. Have we really done so much already in our lives-to-date validate the high self-esteem many people naturally accept?

A recent study of narcissism suggested that narcissism is more prevalent in college students born after 1982. In the study students were asked if they agreed or disagreed with statements such as "I think I am a special person" and "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place.” Essentially, college students, in recent years, have some of the highest ratings of loving thyself.

An article in Psychology Today, suggested, “one reason for the upswing in narcissism may have to do with the prevalence of 'me-centered' blogging and social networking websites.”

Another reason may be contributed to how schooling today forces high self-esteem on students – and it’s backfiring. Children are getting awards for simply participating in events, not necessarily winning, among other things, and this is greatly effecting the narcissistic tendencies students have today.

So should we calm down with the self-admiration? Yes. The real world won’t be so nice and college students need to come to terms with that fact that we aren’t inherently awesome by merely existing – we have to do something to prove ourselves first. 

Procrastination Problems

"I need someone to hit me every time I start to procrastinate,” said the girl in the HUB.

Yeah, I need that, too.

Procrastination is an epidemic that we all suffer from. Whether it is homework related or putting off a simple task, we all do it. We all acknowledge that we shouldn’t do it. We all see how it negatively affects our productivity. Yet we all do it.

I just procrastinated writing this blog post that is about procrastination.

With that though, there are psychological reasons as to why we procrastinate.

According to Steven Pressfield’s book The War of Art, we tend to procrastinate “any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long term growth, health or integrity”

Intrinsically, we have the desire to essentially “block” ourselves. I think we can all relate to how when something important needs to be done, we tend to put it off at all costs. But why?

Pressfield states that “the more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more resistance we feel toward pursuing it.” We block ourselves from the pressure.

If something is so important, an almost paralyzing force comes forth.  In its own way, fear plays a role.

Simply, when something needs to be, its best to just do it. Once you realize that procrastination is natural, we can take steps to counter it.

If you know something is important, instead of cleaning your room or doing other things, you must resist the urge and actually do what you need to do.

Though many claim that their best work is done by procrastinating, that’s a hard argument to make. No matter what you want to believe, better planning and management, in a comfortable and calm atmosphere will always produce the best work.

We must master the art of non-procrastination. 

Fictional Fallacies

This week, while inconspicuously posed in the HUB, I heard various conversations going on around me. As I listened though, one particular conversation caught my eye…or ear, in this case.

I heard the word “Hunger Games” and honed in.

Yep. I’m one of those. I love the series and the words “hunger” and “games” alone forced me to listen into this particular conversation.

Sadly the conversation was not what I expected – the girls started talking about the romances of The Hunger Games…and then of Twilight.

Err. With that I lost interesting. But it did make me think, why do girls obsess so much about fictional romances, especially ones like Twilight. It’s clearly not a plausible situation. He is, after all, a vampire...

Why are we drawn to fantasy over reality, psychologically speaking?

To answer this, Psychology Today calls it a “fantasy bond.” This type of bond starts “to fuse our identity with the person we care for, relying on them to give us value and make us feel safe.” In Twilight, the heroine doesn’t believe life has any meaning without her vampire love.

That’s clearly not healthy.

And it doesn’t help that readers project the ideals of Bella’s vampire on real people in their own lives. This can only conclude with destructive outcomes.

Also, Psychology Today states that, “in order to live in fantasy, we have to suspend reality and give up the positive aspects of our relationship that we value but that cause us real pain.” That’s an important concept to recognize. You can’t expect any significant other to be Edward Cullen, or any other fictional love interest. It’s labeled fiction for a reason.

We, as a society, need to recognize no relationship is perfect. “The love depicted in Twilight is a figment of fantasy, a co-dependent, hungry union in which two people expect to be mutually rescued and bound for eternity.”

In reality, we can’t expect this. To be honest, the most we can find in another people is, as Psychology Today puts it: “someone who we feel respect, attraction, and admiration, someone who encourages us to challenge our own defenses and limitations, and who helps us to become our better selves.”

Girls need to realize a novel is not reality - when we confuse the real world with what we read, we lose touch with reality. Striving for an Edward Cullen is the perfect way to end up in an unhealthy and unsettling mindset and relationship.

Escaping into a novel is fine, but believing that the novel is reality is a habit girls need to break. 

The Stressful Situation

So, this week I didn’t overhear anything fascinating. I didn’t hear one particular line that set my mind in motion and caused me to over-analyze. What I did hear though is an interesting topic to dissect.

While doing work in the HUB, I heard a group of girls complaining about being stressed. Even though it’s been four days since we had Spring break, the girls whined that they already have too much work.

I don’t judge them at all, though. I hate stress. When I was younger, my sister would get so stressed that her immune system would weaken, and she’d get sick.

Stress has always been a villain in my eyes.

Well, stress is annoying. Stress can make a person physically ill. It can diminish the immune system and dry out the digestive tract. It impairs the memory and can lead to anxiety. An article in Psychology Today (March 2012) states that in can even gnaw away at the ends of chromosomes and in turn accelerate cellular aging. 

Yet, we need stress. We couldn’t exist without it. Stress keeps us engaged from moment to moment. It is the reason we wake up in the morning and when, at a good level, can give us a sense of control over events in question – though we rarely think of stress in such a way.

It is all about maintaining stress at a good level. Good stress is since in situations when in a situation of high tension, yet you’re aware that everything will be alright in the end. Psychology Today cites a roller coaster ride as an example: "it may send your stress-hormone levels soaring, but you know the ride will be over in minutes." This is explained as "voluntarily relinquishing a degree of control and predictability in a setting that is benevolent overall."


So, there can be a good level of stress. The trouble is finding that level and maintaining it.

Shyness Sensitivity

In the world today there are many different people. Obviously. Yet of the mass quantities of humans existing, each can be classified by a personality trait or traits. And the number of traits is far less staggering. That being said, this week in the HUB I sat studying, when I overheard two girls talking about their friend. This happens a lot, for those who have never listened to girls talk to each other. Gossip is like a sixth sense. It’s kind of disgusting. Anyway, after listening for a while, one girl said that her friend “is so shy,” and that “she never wants to hang out with people,” in a mocking tone - as if it’s a bad thing that her friend isn’t as outgoing. The other girl agreed, with “it’s honestly so annoying.”

Cue me getting irritated. First of all, shyness and “not wanting to hang out with people” are not the same. Secondly, why is either of those things bad?

Interestingly enough, in a recent article in Psychology Today, this idea is discussed. A researcher named Susan Cain, in her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, talks about the distinction between shyness and introversion. "Shyness, she says, is the fear of social judgment whereas introversion is 'really a preference for less stimulation.' ...Indeed, approximately 30% of highly sensitive people are gregarious. But, as they still tend toward being careful and deep thinkers, highly reactive, and easily over-stimulated, they need much more downtime than do extroverts to recover."

 

As an introverted person, I often get called shy and I am not shy. I just don’t like being around people as much as an extroverted person. It’s completely different. I don’t see why there is a problem with not always wanting to be around people, and it’s a mistake to always assume someone is “shy.” Shy, to me, denotes that they desire that interaction but don’t know how to obtain it, that is not the same as introversion.  

Either way, if you’re friends with an introvert or someone who is shy, know that it is not something socially weird, but an intrinsically driven mindset.  

Coffee Conscious

If I were ever asked (though I don’t see why I ever would be) to write a book about coffee, I could. I could write a book about all aspects of coffee, and not just the product but the people who are involved with it. I have worked in a locally owned and operated coffee shop, in my hometown, since I was 15. I know how to do latte art. I’ve taken quizzes about types of coffee beans. I have seen all types of costumers, all on various stages of their love affair with coffee. Essentially, I know a fairly decent amount about coffee and I have seen my fair share of truly addicted coffee drinkers. I’m not talking about the social, I-need-coffee-in-the-morning drinker; I mean addicted, like the I-have-a-32oz-coffee-before-I-have-another-24oz-coffee-before-7am drinker. The type of person you worry about.

That being said, the other day in the HUB, I overheard a boy solemnly talking about his addiction to alcohol, to which the girl next to him responded, “I’m addicted to coffee.”

What? Those two are not the same. So I decided to research why we, as members of a society, love to claim addiction to coffee.

I found that part of it stems from the fact that coffee is a reward, a reinforcement, and a ritual, all in one. We become attached to the feelings that consumption brings and the ritualism of brewing/ordering. Drinkers of coffee become part of a culture. Society paints coffee drinkers as more creative, more involved and like many drugs, caffeine relies on social interaction.

Essentially, it is the concept of coffee that many people like and thus become addicted to. I am not trying to say that coffee and caffeine are not drugs. They are. They are addictive stimulants, at that. You can become addicted to coffee. People do all the time. But psychologically speaking, in our culture today we love to claim a caffeine addiction, though we never really, truly have one.

My qualm, I guess, is that I don’t get it. I love the taste of coffee. I drink it often. But I don’t think I could ever state that I am addicted to coffee in the same way someone is an alcoholic, or as someone is addicted to heroin. I think in a bizarre way, we lessen the severity of addiction each time we claim an addiction to coffee when we never truly have one – and though psychologically speaking it makes sense, I think we should all just stop it. 

Rainy Reactions

The weather lately hates me, or at the very least, I hate the weather lately. Recently, as I walk to my morning classes the weather outside is drastically different to the weather that appears when I reemerge from class. If it’s raining, I’m unprepared. If it’s sunny, I’m overly dressed. If it’s snowing, I’m not wearing enough layers. Essentially, I can never win.

This sentiment followed me into the HUB one particularly rainy day – and I say “rainy” lightly as it was more of a “snowy-rainy-wishing-it-were-summer-tomorrow” kind of day. It was one of those days that was gloomy and the moods of the masses equated to that. The cluster of students sitting next to me were discussing their hate for the weather. Well, all of them except one boy who firmly stated that he loved this kind of messy precipitation. There’s always one.

As the conversation progressed, one girl made the blanket statement that when the weather is like this, she is always sadder. This idea, I’ve heard and agreed with before. I have since discovered there is a psychological reason for the depression one feels in the messy weather days.

Scientifically speaking, the pineal gland lies behind your eye and releases serotonin when stimulated by sunlight. Thus when there is less sunlight, there is less serotonin released.

Psychologically speaking, humans are innately sympathetic to the environment. Our depressed emotions are due to association with the weather and allowing it to cause sadness. Gloomy weather by no means can cause true depression.

Yet, the weather outside plays a crucial role in how one feels. The outlook we have is directly proportional to one’s view of the world. A sunny day attributes to happiness and a rainy day acts as a focal point for sadness. 

Absurdity and Authority

I have often said the words “I hate people.”

I’ll admit that I don’t actually hate mankind, but when I frequently hear people say and do dumb things, it has become my knee-jerk response.

When unintelligent utterances come about, I often wonder if someone could really be that clueless and I rationalize it by disliking the masses. Yet maybe there is some sort of social psychology at work behind absurdity.

I challenged this ideal greatly a few days ago, when sitting in the HUB. I was positioned with my laptop, doing work in between my classes, where at the end of the table sat four girls. They were talking rapidly and when the one girl got up to leave, she uttered one of the most ill conceived sentences I have ever heard:

“I think I’m going to take the Blue Loop to the White Building.”

I froze (keep in mind we were at the HUB, which is about a 30 second walk to the White Building.) I sat wide-eyed at what I just heard and waited for her friends to verbally attack the comment. I didn’t have to wait long. Her friends laughed endlessly and pointed out the flaws in her comment. The girl then giggled and shrugged it off. This definitely happened a lot. She pretended that she didn’t realize her own idiocy, and when she left her friends went on to talk about how she says things of this nature often.

All people have inherited intellect and because of this I remain unconvinced of this girl’s actual lack of knowledge. True, we all have slips in common sense, but I dissected her thought process enough to realize she thought far enough ahead to contemplate taking the bus. She obviously thought about her next location. She had to have known. From this, I believe she was acting a part; she was playing a role.

So why do people “dumb themselves down?” To me, playing dumb makes you inferior; it in turn gives the others in conversation the upper hand, as they believe to have more knowledge than you. What’s the benefit?

Studies suggest that woman often act dumber when with their spouse to reflect on society’s ideal that, at least on certain issues, the husband’s superiority should not be tested. With that, studies also show that men tend to dumb themselves down more often than women in social situations. Men tend to “play dumb” in situations with co-workers and bosses.

This tactic can alternatively be done as a defense mechanism. Often people will avoid showing their intelligence in situations of highly structured and competition stature, where mid-level personal are motivated to avoid annoying others in order to improve their future there. It is also suggested that people will dumb themselves down to avoid responsibility.

I question, is it easier to remain the simple-minded one than challenge the minds of others?
If we position ourselves as dimwitted, do we in turn lessen our responsibility?

With this in mind, maybe “being dumb” is a lot less dumb than we think.

Elderly Insight

Never one to be the tallest in the room, when I wait in lines, I have gotten used to being surrounded by taller people. I’ve gotten well acquainted with the reactionary motion of looking up when someone speaks to me. It’s all very typical.

Yet, on one particularly grey afternoon in the HUB, I found myself waiting in line with, quite possibly, some of Penn State’s tallest students. I stood, in the midst of tall boys who obviously worked out a great deal and overheard a wonderful snippet of their conversation. The dialogue went as followed (sans a few upbeat profane words):

Guy 1: Dude, I love your new beard.

Guy 2: Thanks. You need to grow some scruff!

Guy 1: I can’t! I’ll look too old.

Guy 2: Word, bro. I’ve been trying to look younger lately.

Okay, I stood amongst these gentlemen for about 7 minutes – enough time to properly estimate their age, as tall as they may be, at about 21. This made me think, since when is 21 old? When did college become the precursor to the retirement home? Why, as a society, are we so obsessed with growing older?

In the September 1994 issue of Psychology Today, this very mindset was discussed. The article, entitled Learning to Love Growing Old, by Jere Daniel, noted that, though we are psychologically unaware, aging “ultimately robs our life of any meaning.”

Essentially, we are unprepared to age, unprepared to face the challenges and costs that aging causes. Society today is preoccupied with being younger - hence we have the epidemic that is plastic surgery. We want to ignore aging, as much as possible. We want to put off the inevitable.

In today’s world, 21 year olds may be putting off their birthdays because they want to cling to their youth. The job market is rough and once one enters it, his/her youth slowly slips away.

Thus, even though it struck me as odd that students are worrying about how they appear, it makes perfect sense. Looking young is related to feeling young – and feeling young is a fleeting joy in the fast pace society in which we live.

Standing At Attention

My mother is a self-proclaimed “people watcher.” Whenever we would go shopping together, I went from store to store, while my mother sat on a bench and watched the different kinds of people pass. Thus, I blame genetics for the henceforth creepiness I will profess.

Already, in two of my classes this semester, I have discussed the changing personalities of a person, depending on where they are and whom they are with. This blog acts as my social experiment. Each week, I will sit in the HUB for an hour or so, pretending to be engaged in work, and listen for snippets of conversation or unusual activity. No, I won’t be listening to entire conversations. I am not that creepy and I will make sure privacy is, in fact, left in tact. No, I won’t be the awkward girl who sits right next to you when there are 50 other available seats, but I will be the girl who tries to learn something from the loud conversations, as there is a psychology to everything we do. There is reason, always to the madness.

Most recently, I was at Higher Grounds, Starbucks’ counterpart. I ordered and then joined the mass of others waiting for their order to be called, sleep-deprived and caffeine addicted. Suddenly a wild woman appeared at our sides. She stood, stalking the menu. After a minute or two, she turned and asked, “This isn’t the line, is it?” The girl next to me spoke. “Nope, it’s over there.” She pointed to the seemingly obvious line that was formed.

When the woman walked away, she turned to me, and said, “That’s like the fifth person to do that. I see them walk over and stand here, each time, knowing they aren’t in the right line.”

My initial reaction to this was: Rude. Why wouldn’t you help her if you knew she was doing wrong.

But then I thought about myself, would I risk drawing attention to myself to help someone in a pretty mundane task? Would I go out of my way to stir up a situation, when there is yet to be one?

Psychologist William James defined attention, in his textbook Principles of Psychology, as “taking possession by the mind, in clear and vivid form, of one out of what seem several simultaneously possible objects or trains of thought. Focalization, concentration, of consciousness is of its essence. It implies withdrawal from some things in order to deal effectively with others.” Thus when we draw attention to ourselves we become vulnerable.

The girl in line was a kind person, kind enough to help the woman initially, but not so quick to take a risk in helping. If she were to tell the woman as soon as she saw her that she was in the wrong line, she would risk being vulnerable; she would risk placing her self in a position where focus shifts towards her.

This vulnerability forces us to side with ourselves, always. We will always “mind our own business” at all costs, to avoid stepping outside of the confines of our self.